Bigfoot Is Playing Jenga with Bones in the Washington Mountains
Mount St. Helens, an active volcano sitting in the Pacific Northwest state of Washington, has served as a beacon of mystery and beauty for centuries. The surrounding area has been a popular tourist and hiking destination despite the devastating eruption that claimed the lives of 57 people in 1981. But what many of these unsuspecting hikers don't know, is that there is a carnivorous Bigfoot running around, leaving only discarded bones as a calling card. At least that’s what one professor is alleging.
Michael Townsend is a professor at Centralia College and Lower Columbia College teaching, guess what? Bigfoot studies. Seriously, where was this shit when I went to college? Anyways, he claims that he has scientific evidence to prove that everyone’s favorite Sasquatch calls the Mount St. Helen’s area home.
He isn’t alone in his conjunctures by any means; the Cascade Mountain range has been the site of numerous Sasquatch sightings even before the volcano blew it’s load in 1981. If you’ve been paying attention to To The Stars, you may remember Jeff Meldrum, the Idaho professor who surmised Bigfoot secreted their bones into the soil when they die. He also believes this area to be a likely candidate for habitation.
Townsend first made his bone tower discovery while hiking in the woods near Ryan Lake. He remarks that it was odd that they were stacked in a pile when normal scavenger activity would spread the bones apart. Upon closer inspection, he noticed what he referred to as human-like teeth imprints, but bigger, as if a Giant man baby decided to gnaw down on some ribs.
Things started to morph into the twilight zone when a few of his students found similar stacks of dinner remnants, in other locations around the area. The claim goes on to state that they also found footprints appearing too large to be human, around 16-inches in length with no arch and a long stride. And they estimated the bite marks to be 2 1/2 times wider to that of your average Joe. After consulting with the Department of Fish and Wildlife, they ruled out natural predators causing the damage.
“If you add it all up, you have an 8-foot, 8-inch tall creature that is killing animals at different areas of Mount St. Helens with its bare hands, chewing them up, literally skin and bones and all, and spitting them out between its legs,” Townsend told The Reflector.
Wait, so are we to surmise that this alleged creature is sitting down while feasting away? If so, shouldn’t we also be able to get a cast of Bigfoot’s ass?
To make his claims just a bit stranger, Townsend has a hypothesis about the creature's origins. He believes that the Bigfoot creature is a hybrid resulting from giant ape's doing the ‘ole hanky panky with Native American people in the area for the last 80,000 years. I’m assuming he doesn’t believe this ape-mating thing is a modern practice, at least let’s hope he doesn’t.
I'm certain I've heard this tale before, oh yes, from the first season of The X-Files. In an episode entitled Jersey Devil, Mulder and Scully investigate a creature that has been gnawing on bone and body parts of people in the woods near Atlantic City. Thought to be the famed Jersey Devil, Mulder finally concludes that an animal of some sort had interbred with humans resulting in the flesh-eating humanoid that remained.
Townsend hasn’t said what types of animal bones they’ve found at this juncture, or whether he thinks the possibility of human consumption has occurred, but there have definitely been cases of missing hikers in the Mt. Saint Helens wilderness since the 1980 eruption.
Unfortunately, at this point, we have the professor stating that thousands of hours over the course of four years have been spent analyzing the forensic evidence, but we don’t have the details. We have little knowledge of who or where the research was conducted, outside of Townsend himself. The good news is; he isn’t trying to make money off of his discovery, which he touts, might be the greatest of our time. Townsend is welcoming any scientists to take a look at his evidence and try to come up with other explanations, but he cautions that they won’t.
Personally, I’m planning on going hiking around the area this summer, and I’ll keep a look out for inconspicuous piles of gnawed bones. Maybe if I’m lucky (or unlucky depending on the outcome), I’ll catch a glimpse of this 8-foot 8-inch hybrid man-ape. If you don’t hear from me by August . . . send a search party.